No doubt you will have been informed as well as my other Friends that I might be expected to join you this summer. Such were my serious intentions. Ship engaged[;] Household Furniture and every necessary on board: and the Ship on her way to Portsmouth where my family and self were to have gone on board[.] Why after proceeding thus far I have stopped short and put of [sic] my voyage until next summer I must leave to Joshua [Johnson] to recount to you. Suffice it to say my Dear Sir that no mercenary motives have urged me to it. What has happened was to me as unexpected[,] as undesired[,] and no earthly consideration but Joshua's situation could have decided me. My private affairs though they call pressingly for my appearance in Maryland I could have sacrificed with ease for the Happiness and Peace of Mind of my Friend. but [sic] I must confess to you the procrastinating the settlement of my public Business has caused me pangs of the most severe kind. With my private fortune I may take liberties. With my public Trust I have not the least inclination to do it. Still I fear the step I have taken may be deemed one. Impressed as I am with this Fear judge what my feelings must have been for Joshua to have decided me to it. In short[,] I consider myself as a poor mariner amongst quicksands, with out Pilot or Rudder I have certainly laid myself open to Reflection and God only knows how I shall escape it. I have no resource but you and my other Friends and on you only must be my Reliance:
It is a long Time since I wrote you on the Business done by me in Holland, and the bad effects from the conduct of our State begin now to be felt; and not an American who goes to Amsterdam but comes back with the melancholy experience of them. Our credit is hurt more than any one almost, who has not been there can conceive. Surely! Surely, the interest of the Money borrower
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